Gear
gearhead: not sponsored, not sorry
abandon all hope, ye gearheads. this isn’t buzzfeed. just the stuff i keep around, courtesy of capitalism and inertia. feel free to copy, adapt, or ignore—cynicism included.
roast: coffee & espresso gear
profitec pro 300 espresso machine
when you need industrial-level drama before 7am. dual boiler, pid, and more steel than your local hardware store. heats up in five minutes, which is faster than i get up most days. makes great shots—if you don’t mess up.
ceado e5p grinder
if you want coffee grounds so uniform they look staged for instagram, this is the one. ridiculously consistent, surprisingly quiet. also doubles as a daily reminder of your questionable financial choices.
- scale. pour-over that survived three moves. quality = survived.
- mug that actually fits my cup holder. rare. nearly mythical.
ride: bike, paddle board, and hiking gear
bike
some little miracle from amazon 🤏
cycplus tire inflator, or as i call it: my panic-eraser. i’ve got an older version, but it continues to puff up bike tires, car tires, basketballs, and optimism with equal efficiency. lcd display is weirdly accurate. yes, i’ve used it to inflate things besides bikes. no, i don’t regret it. shows up reliably even when my energy is flat.
- helmet: still in one piece, unlike my self-esteem.
- lights: visible from space. or at least, cars in idaho.
- tool kit: i only use two of the tools, but the bag looks professional.
paddle board
- board: the least inflatable paddleboard that still fits in my trunk.
- leash: for people who fear drifting into mediocrity.
- life vest: only mildly humiliating.
- waterproof bag: surprisingly not a lie.
hiking
- boots: dry feet = luxury.
- poles: for pretending i know what i’m doing.
- hydration pack: keeps coffee cold. disappointment too.
read: book & reading gear
- kindle: battery lasts longer than my enthusiasm.
- bookmarks: because quitting books mid-sentence is a lifestyle.
- lamp: for reading while ignoring literally everything else.
- journal: mostly collects sarcasm. occasionally, thoughts.
online gear lists (haves, needs, wants, delusions)
affiliate-adjacent disclosure (for this page. obviously.)
if you notice a tiny 🤏, congratulations—you’ve found the only thing here that might buy me a coffee. as in, one. cream not included. the rest? just things i actually use, or at least tolerate, and nobody paid me to say otherwise.
- no icon = just a genuine, unremarkable recommendation. no proceeds, no grand ambitions.
- 🤏 = affiliate link. i might earn something so negligible you’ll need a microscope and therapy to notice.
- nothing here is flawless. if it was, i wouldn’t still be looking for better.
this dazzling display of affiliate transparency applies only to the gear on this page. it will not follow you around the internet. if you do something wild, like click, thank you. you’ve funded my next mediocre americano.
coffee sipped, gear graded, standards set embarrassingly low. as it should be.